Skinny Guy's Piggy Life

I am really tired

I'm really tired. I have no one to talk to about this. I don't know what to do when I get back and face them. I don't know how to make everyone happy. I don't know how can I stop the sadness of their relationship. I don't know how to make this family a happy one. They can't change, they can't understand, they can't be communicated. I wish I can go home without being afraid of something happening. I wish I can go home see them forget what they are angry about. I wish I can see my love being happy all the time. I wish I know a way out. I don't want anyone to worry about me, I don't want to see her tears bursting out from her eyes. I wish they can be just like mine. Do I really deserve what I have right now? I just want a peaceful life. I just want a happy family. I don't mind they turn all the angriness toward me, as long as they stop what they are doing to her. It's her parents, is that too much to ask them to do? God, can you help her please? Can you please drag her from the sorrow, and let their family to be a happy one? I beg you for this. Are two things too much to pray for?

5:42 | 评论 (0)

There's never a room

Today I pushed myself one step further. Sent out that email. I don't know what to say and expect, but, that's it.

4:27 | 评论 (2)

Time to get married

It's time for me to get married. Stop being an idealist, stop dreaming something that could never happen, stop messing around and wasting other's time. If it's the end of “that“, then be it.

5:29 | 评论 (0)

Darn it!!

Shit, What's hell is going on! Everything may be just gone. I can't get 100% loan now I need to pay 5%. Where the hell do I can that money!!! Now it's not the problem of how to get that money, it's buying it or not!!!!!!

11:21 | 评论 (0)

Stress does come across

Now see stress. Mortgage, credit card, home improvement and business investments. Careful with those numbers!

5:18 | 评论 (0)

没有动力

最近太水了，上班完全没有动力。手头一大堆事情没有一个想做的。唉，收收心。

1:21 | 评论 (0)

人近而立

离而立之年越来越近了，感觉时间越来越紧了。下班的时候同事会说：It's a long day，我会装模做样的表示同意，其实自己心里感觉时间过的好快啊！！

刚毕业感觉自己要在30岁之前成为一名成功人士，现在看起来好像还没有那个意思。我现在距离一个成功人士还有多远？是步行就可以追上，还是要骑车，开车，坐飞机？

成功人士有的我没有的：

稳重

条理

待人处世的睿智

恒心和毅力（以前高中有的，现在没了）

充分，合理的安排

清晰的思路

理性

简练

果断

勇气！

Shit, so damn much!!还有什么啊？得想想

1:38 | 评论 (0)

探照灯下

感觉生活在探照灯下。从来没觉着我是一个这么需要私人空间的人。

很多问题想来想去总是想不明白，可能因为我自己都不知道怎么才算想明白。所以也让这些东西成为想又不能与别人分享的东西。因为结果好像再没说之前就已经确定了--没有结果。

现代人的浮躁。

2:15 | 评论 (0)

暴风雪

公司上部去MSN的Blog，以后如果在公司写的话，就写在这里，然后再MSN的Blog贴个连接就好了。

情人节，一天没去上班，因为连夜暴风雪，我的半个车被埋在雪里面了。公司算有点人情味，发信说可以不去，不过也强调去不去是你个人的决定。公司大门还是开的。更变态的是，这个通知是晚上9点发出来的，如果我不能在家查公司信箱的话，第二天肯定傻乎乎的跑过去了。

不过也没有歇着，在家工作。公司有个东西叫Key Fob，它是个密码产生器（当然不能用来产生CD Key了），每分钟变一次密码，用来登陆公司内网，打开连接，输入我的员工号，然后输入四位个人密码+Key Fob上产生的密码，就进入内网了。写跟回了一天的email。不过也看了半天的TVB电视剧，哈哈哈。

克利夫兰的天气是出了名的烂。我们同事说了一句经典的话：世界上最好的工作就是克利夫兰的天气预报员，是唯一90%时间都是错的但是工作仍然不会丢的职业。既来之则安之么，房子都在买了，一时半会跑不掉了。

买房子被银行戏弄，郁闷……

5:50 | 评论 (2)

无题

这么长时间了，看看上次的留言，居然是1月份的。估计现在再写也没有人看了。不过这倒无所谓了，自说自话反倒自在。就当是自己官方版的日记好了。

回来这么多天，最开心的莫过于跟北京帮聚会的那个晚上了。我不知道别人，至少我是从出国以后从来没这么开心过了。晚上玩得挺疯狂，但是我觉着这样玩才算本色。回来之前就向往能跟北京帮聚会，除了因为北京帮美女众多之外，觉着他们玩得最潇洒。想起了5月份看的演唱会，Velvet Revolver的，全是站票，这种演唱会也不能坐着看。周围的观众从头到尾都在疯狂的撞来撞去，我身处旋风中央到也侥幸活了下来。但那种感觉是冲到极点了。

那天之后，也开始越发得不想回美国了。对于40岁左右的人来说，美国应该是他们理想的归宿，别墅，好车还有跟国内炫耀的资本。这也是为什么那个时候这么多人削尖了脑袋往那边挤。而对于我这样的来说，我觉着在那是浪费青春。要不是所谓的事业上的目标，我对美国已经没什么留恋了。

等我回来吧。

16:05 | 评论 (6)

爷爷走了

1月18号，我像平常的每一天一样，庸庸碌碌的走过了。完全没有意识到在我生命里最重要的人离开了。他走得很安详，没有拖累任何人，只是在转头之间，生命的终点就悄然降临了。来不及见他最后一面，来不及跟他说我因为是您的孙子而骄傲，来不及在他生命最后一刻温席尽孝，甚至来不及在他离开之后祭拜守灵。

家里人怕我挂念，担心，一直都没给我讲。再加上我姐现在怀孕，他们一直也没有通知我们两个只身在外的孙子孙女。直到今天我姐感觉不对，我给家里打了个电话，才知道一切都已经太迟了。一边自己心里翻转不宁，一边还要继续帮着家里瞒着我姐，怕动了她的胎气。

早晨自己缝了一个黑箍，别了一个中国结作为红球。不知道自己还能做什么才能补偿未尽的孝心，我知道做什么都已经太迟了。

爷爷，最后跟您说一句，您是我最敬爱的亲人，我以咱们的家庭而骄傲，从此以后我会不断长进，以告慰您的在天之灵！！

恕孙不孝，恕报不周！求您在天之灵得以安息！

孙子：佟晓弟 敬上

0:45 | 评论 (11)

Quite a bit lost

Lost the old job, and find a new one. I believe it's a good choice to start my own business down here, but I'm not sure if I'm in the right industry. I hope everything can follow the trace as I wanted, but I really got no control on it. For me under this kinda circumstance, it might be good to say let it be, but it might be better to actively move a little bit toward what I really want. Time's really flying, and there's no more dreams for me to hide behind. If I really mean that, I must go for it!

12:32 | 评论 (12)

想让我倒下，没那么容易！

大概25岁这年会有坎，刚过完生日就接连不顺。今天也彻底把工作丢了。至于为什么，我也不想再多说了，不想像祥林嫂一样，没完的重复同样的故事，反正自己心里很清楚我做了什么，也看透了那些人藏在笑容背后的狰狞。总之现在又一切从头开始了，前面的路还是要一步一步地走，至于有什么在等着我，不知道。但是有一点很清楚，想把我放倒，没这么容易！！

3:34 | 评论 (10)

First week of Work

I really can't believe my first day in this new company could be that exhausting. I worked 13 hours in a row until 10pm at night!! There's absolutely no orientation before they start assigning me works. It's like I've been here for a while, and it's just another day of kicking my butts out. But that's how the world is running here. I'm not afraid of too much work to do, controversly, Nothing to do is what I'm afraid of. Also on the first day, one of my colleague was fired immediately after he said no to a traveling requirment. See how tough the job market is, there ain't no much spaces left for us to wandering around.

22:09 | 评论 (5)

又一道中秋的他乡月光

虽然今天这里不是中秋，但是说既然是咱中国的节，还是得按咱中国的时间走。去年这个时候，我是在上课，今年的这个时候，我是在失业。去年的这个时候，我在苦闷上发了一个叫《中秋的他乡月光》的帖子，今年的这个时候，我在自己的Blogger上面发了个《又一道中秋的他乡月光》的帖子。

说很多都没有用，倒不如拿出来我在高中时候写的一首七律最能说明问题。

七律·中秋

风行枝动走轻霄，

叶笼薄凌映鉴遥。

学子盱衡空怅阔，

高堂坠座对愁廖。

乡关数去求独涉，

桑梓三别意自翱。

却待寒窗十载破，

徒舆硕浪竟伏鲛。

其中1234568句是我当时写的，第七句想不起来了，于是就重新写了。相信很多在外的学子应该有同样的感受。

4:11 | 评论 (11)